How to train your dog to bite on command or bark intimidatingly?

Okay so I have a dog that I want to train on command to bite and bark, I wont say the breed:) Now why do I want to train my dog to bite because every time I walk my dog down my street I feel like ether im going to get stabbed jumped robbed mugged what ever you name it and I want it to protect against intruders. So please help me out to teach my dog. And no I don't care about lawsuits no my dog is not going to get put down no im not a bad owner no its not because im trying to look cool what ever you think I don't give 2 or 3 shits... So if you have something negative to say go to some other question